Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Experience with a Drama Queen Friendship

Have you ever thought you met someone who you think will be a great friend, but then find out they are just using you to get to someone else or just wasn't there for you when you were there for them?

A year ago, I met someone who is in the theatre community. She started acting in my skits for my production companies web series. During the film shoots she and another actor started flirting with each. Eventually, after 3 months of knowing each other, they started hanging together a lot. Six months later he meets a girl on a Facebook live. They became girlfriend and boyfriend. She was devastated because she really loves him. His girlfriend was jealous and didn't want him to hang out with her because they use to be physical with each other,"Friends with benefits", so he stopped communicating with her. This is what caused our friendship to get stronger because the only way she could find out what was going on with him was through me.

We would go thrift shopping, garage sale-ing, and editing together.

I was always worried about her and made sure to be there for her, but she really never did that for me. When I lost my baby boy, Jakie (my 16 years old cat), who was my paws with cause animal. Jakie got me through some pretty hard times. She never really reached out to me. My other friend called me right after we put down and made me go out with her.  She never did that. Not only that, she never asks me how I was doing. I was always the one asking her how she is doing. If she wasn't front and center then she would get disgusted or upset.  She gets worked up about the littlest things, but I was okay with it because I loved her for who she is.

The first weekend of August we went to Saugatuck. She bossed us all around and complaining if we wanted to go into a store. My mom and my other two friends who came along with us wanted to go into a couple of stores, but she would tell us we can't go to no more than two stores because we were running out of time except she ended up having us go into four s
tores she wanted to go into.  During lunch in Saugatuck, we talked about our vacation plan and trying to figure out if my other friend could make it.  I thought she was listening to the conversation but learned she wasn't.

I know she is going through a lot of stress after finding out in May the place she worked at was closing down her department.

A week later, we were talking about the August schedule. She told me she had plans for every weekend. We were going to the Henry Ford Museum on August 17-19. She told me she was going with friends to a music festival concert.  Understand during the month of June and July she was giving us every excuse why we shouldn't go. The friend of mine, who is going on the trip, daughter is having a baby sometime at the beginning of September, so she kept telling this friend she can't go.  When she scheduled going to this music festival with her friends this made us feel really bad. It really hurt our feelings. If she wanted to go with us so bad why did she make every excuse not to go and why didn't she keep asking us the gameplan.

The last week of July,  She arrived at our production meeting with a poor attitude. She went to Ohio with a friend to attend an Avon convention. We asked her how it was and she snapped at us. I assigned my intern to come up with some story ideas of why a particular character isn't in an episode and ideas on backup scripts just in case one of these characters can't make it. Three of our actors are looking for jobs, so I wanted backup scripts just in case they can't get out of work.  She took that as us writing her out and the other characters out.
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I immediately messaged her that night after the meeting to make sure she knows we aren't writing anyone out. I just want some episodes without certain characters so when the person can't make it we have backup scripts. I heard nothing back from her.  She did the silent treatment for a little bit until August 17.  She started talking to me again, but then my mom posted we are leaving for our trip. She was so mad that wasn't coming with us. I called her up to told her she can still come if she wants. We weren't leaving until 1:30pm. I let her know this at 10:00am, but she didn't respond.

My gut feeling tells me she told everyone she is the victim and we are the bad people. If she wanted to go with us so bad she would have kept asking us about the details of the trip instead she made every excuse why we and she shouldn't go.

I felt like a horrid person for all the miscommunication and assuming, but she really hurt our feelings when we set this date to go and she scheduled plans with her other friends.

On Aug 26th, I asked her if she hates me because she completely stopped talking to me. She said she doesn't.  She told me she isn't a filmmaker and doesn't want to do films, but yet she is already doing films. The web series we have shot is film. She also mentioned she isn't keen on the group growing but was also complaining about the films we shot not releasing faster. I sent her a long text message explaining what is happening and how much time it takes. Here she is complaining about our group getting bigger, but is also complaining we aren't getting stuff out there fast enough. I am trying to get the group bigger so I am not having to do everything all by myself so things can get done faster. In that text message, I told her we are shooting on September 8 and to let me know if she can make it. She never replied back, so I assumed she didn't want to do this anymore. I wasn't going to bug her about it.

Wednesday, September 5 she posted a meme that said: "That moment you figured out that no one reached out to you for a project this weekend.."

I was so hurt by this post because I did tell her about the shoot.  I told her to tell me if she was going to make it, but she didn't reply.
That night my friend, who is also an executive producer, decided it was time to nip it in the butt and go to her house to talk to her because we are sick of her playing the victim card.

It was very awkward. During this intervention, she kept trying to blame us for everything. Come to find out she didn't even read the text message that asked her if she was able to make it to the shoot on the 8th or not. Here she is telling everyone we didn't ask her when she didn't even read the message I sent her. The worse part is she never took down this stupid post after the meeting we had with her. That shows me right there she likes people feeling sorry for her and likes to play the victim. I know she is not telling her friend, who has acted in a few our skits, the whole truth. She only told him her side of the story and most likely made it really big.  He was scheduled to come act in the skit on Sept 8th, but my gut kept telling me he isn't going to show.

During this awkward meeting, we also told her we are planning on going back to Greenfield Village and the Henry Ford Museum in October. Just like she did for the August vacation she made every excuse why she can't go. We told her we are looking at going October 13th.  She didn't even say "Let me get my calendar and see what weekend works." All she kept saying was "I'm not sure what is happening if October." Again if you want to go with us and go to the museum why wouldn't you write it in your calendar especially since you don't have set plans yet for the month.
At the end of this awkward meeting, we made plans to go to the Goodwill Outlet on Friday.
I had to laugh because Friday night she posted she is going to a football game in October. Oh wait, I'm confused, I thought you didn't want to schedule anything in October yet because you don't know what is happening. I see where we are stand. This is what I mean.  She did this same thing for August, but yet we are the bad guys. She has really hurt our feelings especially mine.

Our film shoot date, Saturday, September 8th, arrived. Well, he didn't cancel the night before, instead, he came on set told us he was sick and left 20 minutes later. He told us he had a sore throat and was dizzy and is coming down with the flu bug, but the next day he looked great having fun with the person I've been talking about in this post.  I am so glad I planned a backup and listened to my gut.  This confirms she is telling a lot of false information and is playing the victim.

Will our friendship be like it was? No, because she is telling people she is the victim and we have treated her poorly when we have done nothing wrong. We have been there for her. We have gone to her balcony when she was having a bad day. We took her out to keep her mind busy when she was dealing with stress.

Characteristics of Drama Queen Friends:
1. Quick to denigrate, demean and ridicule others- Their perspective, its the other person who is at fault, the drama queen never is. They put blame on others is their prime defense mechanism.

2. Are evasive and convincing- They will hide and do anything to not have to look at their own self or take responsibility. They often unable to see how they are the cause of their own problems, and will subconsciously or consciously do anything to avoid the truth.

3. They have the ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing. - They need to over-analyze every conversation or text to the point where they convinced someone is trying to start trouble.

4. Tend to always have 'boy trouble'

5. Puts everything on Facebook- All eyes must be on them.

6. Easily have tantrums if it doesn't go their way.

What sort of things will a drama queen do to control you?

1. They have to be the center of attention-
Crave attention and spotlight.  They will feel as if they have an entitlement to all this attention and that no one else matters. While they are claiming this attention, any problems you might be having are deemed as unimportant.

2. They make everything personal-
Anything that happens in the world will personally affect them. They will post on social media after a tragedy about their feelings and how it has affected them. In their minds, everything is about them, and they will take the slightest comment or action and turn it into their own personal story.

3. They blow everything out of proportion-
The slightest little thing that the majority of us will just brush off as a minor incident is a major catastrophe for them.

4. They stir up dramatic situations-
They create situations that allow them to shine. They will manipulate and gossip in order to help these situations grow and then stand back and watch the drama unfold. Whilst you are preoccupied with dealing with the fallout, they are sitting back and watching it.

5. They will immerse themselves in other people's dramas-
They insert themselves into other people's problems, making out that they can help them or by living vicariously through them.

6. They are critical of everyone and everything-
Nothing is good enough for them and act like the authoritative voice on whatever subject comes up. Your views and ideas are irrelevant. They are the expert, they know perfection when they see it.

7. They are hysterical about the tiniest things-
The smallest situation will be enough to set them off. They will be constantly in tears, storming out of meetings etc. Their default setting is "stressed out" and you never know when they are going to erupt next.

I totally understand this is her personality and love her for who she is. All I have to say is my feelings have been really hurt and don't feel I have been treated like a friend because friendship is being honest with each other.  Friendship is being able to sit down and tell each other how they are feeling.

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