|Me as a Baby, My Mom and My Dad (1986)|
I want the bathroom door closed because Oliver has decided he wants to climb the shower curtain. Trixie wants to run off with the toliet paper and rip it up to shredd. I have seen oliver thinking about jumping on the toliet seat which is fine if it is closed, but many of us forget to close the toliet seat.
A couple of days ago Oliver made a couple of accidents in my parents room. I cleaned it up. Sprayed it with lysol and then put aluminum foil. I don't want to risk it and have him do it again. These accidents are due to him having worms, so once we know all his worms are gone then I would be okay with seeing what he does. Right now the less rooms he is in the better. Trixie tried to climb my mom's dressor to try to get to the top of the closet and had stuff fall on her. They are way to curious right now. I rather be safe than sorry. I don't feel like having to spend thousands of dollars when all it needed was to just keep doors closed.
My dad is one of the most stubbornist nan on the planet. Every time he gets up he leaves the door open. I then have to get up and chase the cats out. My Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy and back pain is horrid and it so hard fro me to get up and chase them. Last night, he got up to drink some Kool-Aid and left the door open. Oliver went running into the room from being all cuddly on my lap. I got up and got him out. Don't kid me not, 4 minutes later my dad gets up to go to the bathroom. And guess what? Yep, he left the door open. I quickly got up and found Trixie running in there and Oliver following behind her, but I made it in time. I closed the door. My dad was so pissed it wasn't funny. I thought he was going to punch his fist righ through the door. It scared the shit out of my cats.
|Me and My Mom (2016). College Grad|
This may sound really stupid to you guys, but I am tried of asking him to do simple favors like closing the door and he doesnt do it. Why is it so hard? Why does he have to give me so much attitude about it? I thought for sure his hand was going to go through the door he was so mad.
I feel so bad for my mom because not only does she have to deal with mentally abusive husband she has to deal with me being sick. I believe the best thing that will happen for my family is me being dead. My mom wouldn't have to worry about me not feeling, unlike my dad, or stupid things my dad fights with me about. One of them being the door and the air conditioning. He is always yelling about the air conditioning. That is why I hate Spring and Summer so much. When you have RSD and your legs feel like they are severly on fire and you can't breath then you would like the air conditioning low too. Air conditioning also helps the problems with my lung and hearts. My dad is selfish on things and others not so much. He goes to work everyday at a job he hates. He allowed my mom to be a stay at home mom. I am thankful for that.
|My Grandpa who my father figure|
Last night, really brought up a lot of PTSD moments of my childhood with him. When my dad would punch walls or throw things I would call Grandpa and he would rush over to come get me out the situation. I don't have that anymore.
This huge physical argument over closing a stupid door is really stupid. I will admit my dad scares me because his anger gets so bad I worry he might one day actually hurt me and my mom. I don't think he would.
I so badly wanted to end my life last night for my mom. This may sound really stupid and selfish of me, but to me not being around will allow her to have more time to herself, less worries, less stress in the house.
I try so hard to be as positive as I can but sometimes you just can't. Sometimes you just need be okay with not feeling positive at that moment. Suffering from so many illiness can take a huge toll on your life and then when you add stupid things like the door issue it just makes life even harder.
|Me and My Grandpa. I miss him so much!!|
I am tried of my mom never backing me up with him. I am tired of the abusive behavior of my dad. I feel so bad for my mom. My mom is the kindest person ever and I know she doesn't like to disagree with my dad because he is a jerk. She could have found someone so much better.
|My Grandma, Me and My Grandpa (2005)|
In 2000, I had pectus excavatum surgery. I was the 15th person in the USA to get the new way of doing it. Instead of breaking every single rib cage they put a titanium bar in your chest and pop the chest bone out. The bar weighs around 8 pounds. This surgery was one for the worst surgeries ever. I have had over 20 major surgeries and this one topped the pain, other than RSD. This heavy bar had to be left in me for 2 1/2 years. I was in the hospital a little over one week. Two days out of the hospital my grandma norton (Dad's Mom) was having a birthday party at my Aunts. Dad was bitching becaue mom and I didn't want to go. I didn't really feel up to going at all. I had the hardest time getting comfortable at my house alone trying to find a comfortable chair at my Aunts. To shut him up I said I can go. I could not find a comfortable chair to sit in. My pain was getting worse and worse. My dad told me to sit in the recliner. I sat down and couldn't get comfortable. I told my mom I am not feeling well at all and would like to go home. My dad got pissed off and pulled open the recliner sending me flying backwards screaming in pain. Because he whipped me backwards so fast and my reflex happened my stitches on the side where the bar was attached to my rib cage split open. I was crying really bad because I was in so much pain. My dad got into my face and told me to stop being a baby. My mom did stand up for me this time. I went the ER where they had to fix my stitches.
That is my dad. I could go on and on of all the mean things he has done to me and my mom. I care about my dad. I wish he wasn't so mean.
Wow I went from a angry dad opening doors with cats to my bar surgery.
Life has really been beating me down especially the past few weeks. Between work treating me like crap, cats being sick, my production company films are moving at a slower pace than I want it to, struggling paying bills, fear of losing doctors and pain meds and my RSD, Back pain is getting scary worse everyday. After having so many ear infections and then the big surgery of them having to clean out the infection in part of my brain I haven't gotten back to just the pain I dealt with before all the ear infections.
I may look good on the outside, but inside I am really dying. Now I have to add emotional crap like this stupid door thing to it.
I am very sad right now. Please keep me in your prayers.
Love you all!